Thankful, Part 2
I've had yet another scare. Yes, this makes 2 cancer scares in 1 week's time. This last one was far scarier for me because it took longer for me to find out that I was OK. How these things happen to me, I do not know, but they do.
Brandon and I hung out (alone!) on Saturday afternoon while his parents watched the babies. We got home and they were just about to take the babies for a ride in their wagon so we decided to go with them. I grabbed the mail and was gonna look through it during the walk, multi-tasking like I always do. I had a letter from my doctor, which I knew was a letter about my physical as well as the results of my bloodwork. He had checked quite a few things because I was having some symptoms of thyroid dysfunction and had pregnancy induced hyperthyroidism (which resolved when I was 32 weeks pregnant) but told me he would call me if anything was wrong. Since I never got a call I assumed that this was just an FYI on my lab values.
There was a letter on top, followed by 3 pages of lab results. In the letter it said that my physical exam was normal, except for the small nodule on the left side of my thyroid. A few paragraphs later it said that my thyroid ultrasound had revealed another nodule on the right side that the doctor hadn't been able to feel. I needed to call them to schedule a nuclear scan of my thyroid. I was freaked out to say the least, but more than that I was confused.
First of all, he hadn't even told me I had the nodule. But I assumed that he was waiting until my head CT was OK before giving me other potentially scary news because he knew I was distraught over having to have that done already. Second of all, I was a little frustrated that he told me this information in a letter and not over the phone. Thirdly, I have never even had a thyroid U/S but assumed he meant CT scan, since a head CT also shows the neck area as well and can detect the nodules.
So I was thinking the worst case scenario. All of my thyroid labs were normal, which means there is more of a chance that the nodules are malignant. While a nuclear scan is not painful, it is not comfortable from what I have been told, and is also not diagnostic, just informative, so it is always followed by a biopsy. Needles in my neck? OH MY GOODNESS!! From there if it is malignant you must have your thyroid removed and take radioactive iodine medication, which means you can't be around anyone for 3 days and must be semi-secluded for an additional 19 days, meaning you can only hold a child for 30 minutes a day and other than that must remain at a distance of at least 3 feet at all times. I was just imagining having to go through all of this. I was most fearful of having to be away from my babies. I've never left them for 22 hours, not to mention 22 days!
Yes, I was doing quite a bit of negative thinking. Brandon kept telling me to stay positive since the odds were in my favor, as 85% of thyroid nodules are benign. They are actually present in 10% of the population but most don't even know they have them (the benign kind). But it is HARD to stay positive when you are told you have to rule out cancer TWICE IN ONE WEEK, especially when you have two babies. It's just nearly impossible. The night time, before I went to sleep, and the morning were the worst. It just hit me like a slamming door every time I thought about the possibilities. As I was in the nursery getting church clothes for Hutch and Anniston on Sunday morning, I totally panicked. I just had to curl up in a ball in their closet and just try to breathe. It was just more than I could handle.
So this morning I called the doctor's office to set up my nuclear scan and spoke with the nurse. I told her why I was calling and that I also wanted to speak to the doctor to find out exactly what all types of tests I was going to have to have. And when I hung up I cried about it for the first time. Knowing I was getting a step closer to these tests was just really getting to me. About 3 minutes later the doctor called. I tried to sound like I was fine, but I think he knew I had been crying. And then he told me the best news I could have ever imagined. He told me that he was mistaken and had mixed up someone else's info with mine. Apparently another girl my age did indeed have the thyroid nodules and had the thyroid ultrasound and her test results were lying on his desk as he wrote my letter. My thyroid feels normal, I do not have any nodules, and I am healthy! He sincerely apologized for his mistake and for making me worry for no reason. I don't blame him one bit. I've made mistakes too. I am just thankful that I am OK. I hung up and just cried and cried tears of joy. And for the first time my babies saw me cry. Yes, I've cried since they've been born but I've always tried to hide it from them so that I wouldn't upset them. Anniston walked over to me and Hutch held out his arms to me. They may only be a year old but they know what their Mommy needs :)
So once again, for the second time in 2 weeks, I've had a major wake up call that I need to start living right in every aspect of my life. I believe that God used this "mistake" that the doctor made to teach me and make me realize yet again that I am not in control of my life, He is.
Brandon and I hung out (alone!) on Saturday afternoon while his parents watched the babies. We got home and they were just about to take the babies for a ride in their wagon so we decided to go with them. I grabbed the mail and was gonna look through it during the walk, multi-tasking like I always do. I had a letter from my doctor, which I knew was a letter about my physical as well as the results of my bloodwork. He had checked quite a few things because I was having some symptoms of thyroid dysfunction and had pregnancy induced hyperthyroidism (which resolved when I was 32 weeks pregnant) but told me he would call me if anything was wrong. Since I never got a call I assumed that this was just an FYI on my lab values.
There was a letter on top, followed by 3 pages of lab results. In the letter it said that my physical exam was normal, except for the small nodule on the left side of my thyroid. A few paragraphs later it said that my thyroid ultrasound had revealed another nodule on the right side that the doctor hadn't been able to feel. I needed to call them to schedule a nuclear scan of my thyroid. I was freaked out to say the least, but more than that I was confused.
First of all, he hadn't even told me I had the nodule. But I assumed that he was waiting until my head CT was OK before giving me other potentially scary news because he knew I was distraught over having to have that done already. Second of all, I was a little frustrated that he told me this information in a letter and not over the phone. Thirdly, I have never even had a thyroid U/S but assumed he meant CT scan, since a head CT also shows the neck area as well and can detect the nodules.
So I was thinking the worst case scenario. All of my thyroid labs were normal, which means there is more of a chance that the nodules are malignant. While a nuclear scan is not painful, it is not comfortable from what I have been told, and is also not diagnostic, just informative, so it is always followed by a biopsy. Needles in my neck? OH MY GOODNESS!! From there if it is malignant you must have your thyroid removed and take radioactive iodine medication, which means you can't be around anyone for 3 days and must be semi-secluded for an additional 19 days, meaning you can only hold a child for 30 minutes a day and other than that must remain at a distance of at least 3 feet at all times. I was just imagining having to go through all of this. I was most fearful of having to be away from my babies. I've never left them for 22 hours, not to mention 22 days!
Yes, I was doing quite a bit of negative thinking. Brandon kept telling me to stay positive since the odds were in my favor, as 85% of thyroid nodules are benign. They are actually present in 10% of the population but most don't even know they have them (the benign kind). But it is HARD to stay positive when you are told you have to rule out cancer TWICE IN ONE WEEK, especially when you have two babies. It's just nearly impossible. The night time, before I went to sleep, and the morning were the worst. It just hit me like a slamming door every time I thought about the possibilities. As I was in the nursery getting church clothes for Hutch and Anniston on Sunday morning, I totally panicked. I just had to curl up in a ball in their closet and just try to breathe. It was just more than I could handle.
So this morning I called the doctor's office to set up my nuclear scan and spoke with the nurse. I told her why I was calling and that I also wanted to speak to the doctor to find out exactly what all types of tests I was going to have to have. And when I hung up I cried about it for the first time. Knowing I was getting a step closer to these tests was just really getting to me. About 3 minutes later the doctor called. I tried to sound like I was fine, but I think he knew I had been crying. And then he told me the best news I could have ever imagined. He told me that he was mistaken and had mixed up someone else's info with mine. Apparently another girl my age did indeed have the thyroid nodules and had the thyroid ultrasound and her test results were lying on his desk as he wrote my letter. My thyroid feels normal, I do not have any nodules, and I am healthy! He sincerely apologized for his mistake and for making me worry for no reason. I don't blame him one bit. I've made mistakes too. I am just thankful that I am OK. I hung up and just cried and cried tears of joy. And for the first time my babies saw me cry. Yes, I've cried since they've been born but I've always tried to hide it from them so that I wouldn't upset them. Anniston walked over to me and Hutch held out his arms to me. They may only be a year old but they know what their Mommy needs :)
So once again, for the second time in 2 weeks, I've had a major wake up call that I need to start living right in every aspect of my life. I believe that God used this "mistake" that the doctor made to teach me and make me realize yet again that I am not in control of my life, He is.
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